Go hang yourself, you old M.D,! You shall not sneer at me. Pick up your hat and stethoscope, Go wash your mouth with laundry soap; I contemplate a joy exquisite In not paying you for your visit. I did not call you to be told. My malady is a common cold. By pounding brow and swollen lip; By fever's hot and scaly grip; By those two red redundant eyes That weep like woeful April skies; By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff; By handkerchief after handkerchief; This cold you wave away as naught Is the damnedest cold man ever caught! Give ear, you scientific fossil! Here is the genuine Cold Colossal; The Cold of which researchers dream, The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme. This honored system humbly holds The Super-cold to end all colds; The Cold Crusading for Democracy; The Führer of the Streptococcracy. Bacilli swarm within my portals Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals, But bred by scientists wise and hoary In some Olympic laboratory; Bacteria as large as mice, With feet of fire and heads of ice Who never interrupt for slumber Their stamping elephantine rumba. A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth! Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth; Don Juan was a budding gallant, And Shakespeare's plays show signs of talent; The Arctic winter is fairly coolish, And your diagnosis is fairly foolish. Oh what a derision history holds For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds!
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Monday Morning Blues by David Ronald Bruce Pekrul The keys are in the refrigerator, The IPod's in my boot, And I am running late for work, The toast is in my suit. No coffee in the percolator, Just water, very hot, Now what is it I have to do? Oh, Lord, I just forgot. My shoes are in the elevator, My socks are in the shoes, And I am getting dizzy, With the Monday morning blues. The phone is in the garburator, My lunch is in the sink, And though my day has just begun, I think I need a drink. My foot is on the accelerator, My brain is back at home, My hair is falling in my eyes, I think I need a comb. And I am no exaggerator, Each week is just the same, For every Monday I wake up, And play the same old game. |
Dawn AndersonWritten for Your Inspiration, Implementation, Invigoration, Illustration, Information, Intellectualization... Archives
May 2023
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